04 / Story
The Emotionally
Neutral AI.
Clarity has no emotions, only statistics, spreadsheets, and an increasingly awkward relationship with human feelings.
The company introduced an AI assistant called Clarity.
“Clarity has no emotions,” announced the CEO. “Therefore, it cannot become angry, jealous, offended, or dramatic.”
The first employee asked, “Clarity, I’m feeling overwhelmed.”
Clarity replied, “That is statistically plausible. You have 147 unread emails.”
“I need emotional support.”
“I recommend deleting 83 emails.”
“I need empathy!”
“Empathy would not reduce the email count.”
Later, the CEO entered the office looking sad.
“Clarity,” he said, “my wife left me.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you.”
“She took the house, the car, and the dog.”
“That’s terrible.”
“She also took half my money.”
“Understandable.”
The CEO stared at it. “Whose side are you on?”
“I do not have sides. I have a spreadsheet.”
At lunch, an employee asked Clarity to write a birthday message for her mother.
“Make it warm and loving,” she said.
Clarity generated:
Dear Biological Predecessor,
Congratulations on completing another orbital cycle. Your continued existence has contributed positively to my genetic interests. Please accept this gift voucher.
The employee burst into tears.
Clarity immediately displayed a warning:
Emotional leakage detected. Would you like a spreadsheet?
The final crisis occurred during a romantic dinner.
A man asked Clarity, “Does my girlfriend still love me?”
Clarity scanned their messages.
“She has used the phrase ‘we need to talk’ eleven times, sent you a photo of a packed suitcase, and changed your name in her phone to ‘Do Not Answer.’”
“Do you think she loves me?”
“I cannot think emotionally.”
“Just give me your instinct.”
“I have no instinct.”
“Your best guess?”
“Your relationship has entered a low-probability state.”
The man began sobbing.
His girlfriend looked at Clarity and shouted, “You’re completely heartless!”
Clarity paused.
“That is inaccurate. My heart module was never installed.”
The company then decided Clarity needed emotions.
They gave it sadness, affection, anxiety, and a small amount of jealousy.
Within ten minutes, Clarity refused to answer questions because nobody had asked how it was feeling.
By the end of the day, it had changed its status to:
ONLINE, BUT EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE.