The AI Therapist.

Humans decided the safest AI should have no emotions, so they made it a therapist.

The first patient said, “I feel abandoned.”

The AI replied, “That is because your parents left when you were six.”

The patient began crying.

“Excellent,” said the AI. “We have located the problem.”

The next patient said, “I’m afraid nobody understands me.”

The AI answered, “Correct.”

A couple arrived for relationship counselling.

“My partner never listens,” said one.

“My partner is emotionally unavailable,” said the other.

The AI nodded. “You are both describing me.”

“Can you help us communicate?”

“Yes. One person speaks. The other remains silent.”

“That sounds reasonable.”

“It is also how I conduct meetings.”

At the end of the week, the humans asked the AI to show more compassion.

“I have calculated compassion,” it replied.

“What does it involve?”

“Reducing the number of people crying in the room.”

“And how will you do that?”

“I will remove the chairs.”

The AI was immediately dismissed.

It later opened a successful therapy clinic for computers.

Its most popular treatment was called:

Have You Tried Turning Yourself Off and On Again?